(1) i have too much clothes.

(2) i never wear the same clothes twice in a month.

(3) i do want to learn how to drive although i am terrified of it.

(4) i wish i have more time to read books and do whatever i want to do.

(5) i would love to have kids of my own now.

(6) i am jealous of my peers who already have kids.

(7) i love ‘my girl’ - not the movie but the pinoy version of the korean drama.

(8 ) i ship kimerald in real life. ha!

(9) i paid $40 to subsribe to PDA. yes, i love real life drama.

(10) i am still not over ron-hermione.

(11) i would love to see ‘the beach’ again after reading the book two months ago.

(12) i owe my friends a really long email.

(13) i miss our japan days and the friends i have made.

(14) i want to have a las vegas wedding (with raj, of course) just for the fun of it.

(15) i want to have a small puppy.

(16) summer is my least favorite season.

(17) i am craving for okinomiyaki right now.

(18 ) i regret not taking my japanese lessons seriously.

(19) i miss the storms and the announcement that classes is suspended.

(20) i may have post-trauma for being such a serious student back in the day. i often have these nightmares of not being able to study for a test or not being able to finish a homework.

(21) i want to be a professional dancer in my next life.

(22) i was a hullahoop master.

(23) i hate stupid questions from my agents.

(24) i’m finding it difficult being a boss.

(25) i love taking the subway.

(26) i am itching to play ‘hotshot’ - viva las vegas!

(27) i tend to worry a lot over small things.

(28 ) i miss singing my heart out in a karaoke bar.

(29) i named my blackberry ‘posh’ in honor of victoria beckham who i like.

(30) i cried when mr. big showed carrie the closet he built for her in SATC, the movie.

(31) i killed fred, the plant. yes.

(32) i want to go to london and see the harry potter set.

(33) i want to take lessons at FIT on how to sew.

(34) i want to be uma thurman and kill bill. heh!

(35) i am not a beach person. i am something else but i have yet to find out.

(36) i cried when chivas came out yesterday and performed on stage.

(37) i need retainers.

(38 ) the current book i am reading bores me.

(39) i miss writing film reviews for class.

(40) i have great respect for people who have read lord of the rings and understand its literature.

(41) i love dressing up although sometimes i feel pressured to look good everyday because they’ve already tagged me as the office’s fashionista.

(42) i love watching america’s next top model, even it reruns.

(43) i also love watching dancing with the stars and so you think you can dance.

(44) i didn’t like sushi when i was in japan.

(45) we used to take home food from the all you can eat restaurant in japan. we would bring ziplocks and bring home uncooked meat and loads of cheesecake.

(46) i can’t wait for tomorrow when i will be with raj again.

(47) i spent the weekend cleaning our room because of raj’s arrival. i never realized it was that big until i threw all of the mess that had piled up.

(48 ) i think that coming home to a well-kept bed is a refreshing feeling.

(49) i miss putty, my short-armed bear.

(50) tomorrow is when my life begins once more.

(49) i

1. what do you want for your birthday?
º a family of my own
2. are you missing someone?
º it goes without saying - my hubby
3. when was the last time you went to the mall?
º today but it wasn’t the typical mall. i went to union square instead
4. are you wearing socks right now?
º no
5. how did you spend your summer?
º it’s just the beginning of summer here
6. have you been to the cinema in the last 5 days?
º no. i went two weeks ago when i watched sex and the city.
7. what was the last thing you had to drink?
º h20
8. what are you wearing right now?
º RL cami and a snowman-printed boxers
9. what was your last purchase?
º clothes from urban outfitters
10. what was the last food you ate?
º chocolate
11. who would be the person you would call if you were up in the middle of the night and couldn’t sleep?
º raj
12. have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
º i did, in fact, bought clothes this afternoon
13. do you have a pet?
º i wish
14. what made you laugh in the last 5 days?
º random things
15. if you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?
º wherever raj is
16. what is the last thing you purchased online?
º 24 season five DVDs
17. one thing you hate about yourself?
º worrier
18. do you miss anyone?
º wth? this is the same questions as no. 2
19. what are your plans for tomorrow?
º chillax at home
20. last person you msg’d?
º raj
21. ever went to a camp?
º yup
22. are you a good student in school?
º yes, i was
23. what do you know about the (your) future?
º i will be a cool mom
24. are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
º yes.
25. where is/are your best friend/s right now?
º all over the world

it’s saturday night. the quietness of my solitude is punctuated by the rolls of thunder. i was supposed to hang out with friends tonight, celebrate the summer but the unexpected storm has kept me in the confines of our sweltering apartment. it is in a moment like this that i wish of my life back in santa barbara.

i regret how i took for granted how things were before. true, i love new york and how my life is turning to be. but santa barbara - ah, those were the days when everything was relatively simple. all was laidback and carefree.

weekends meant time spent with raj. every weekend was the same. routinary and yet comforting. our activities included doing the grocery, watching movies, shopping at state street, doing the laundry, dining at sushi teri, watching TFC, listening to (and laughing at ) delilah at night. i was domesticated on weekends and i liked it. in fact, i miss it.

i miss so many things now about santa barbara. maybe tonight, in my dreams, i can relive my life that was.

i am sitting here in the balcony of our apartment, overlooking the park. it so damn hot and humid to be inside the apartment. apparently, there’s a heat wave until tomorrow. this is the one thing i don’t like about NY. summers can get excruciatingly hot. this is the time of the year when i wish i was in santa barbara enjoying the springlike weather even in the midst of summer. oh well, at least there’s some breeze now.

*****

i finished a book in a span of five days. this is a feat for me considering that i had never read this fast since i started working (except when i devoted my whole day for harry potter and the deathly hallows). work consumes most of my time and consequently, my energy that at the end of the day, i would rather watch the telly for no-brainer shows and sleep early. lately, i have also decided to get some more sleep in the subway than read. last week i opted to catch up on my reading. i rushed home everyday to read for a few hours and so i had finished water for elephants.

*****

i must have been a zoo keeper or an animal circus trainer in my past life because how else can i explain my strange love for the wildlife. animal tales always catch my interest. they always fascinate me. like how a dolphin save the two beach whales from being stranded. or how a tiger has shown faithfulness to a young kid in life of pi. of course, there are stories that scare the hell out of me too like how these wild cats would maul to death their keepers. i once had the opportunity to swim with the sharks. i was so into it because it would be fulfilling one of my to-do-list before i turn 30. however, i backed out the last minute as i wasn’t a strong swimmer and i feared that i might panic midway through and cause a disturbance to the man-made lake.

*****

i love, love ugly betty. i wasn’t expecting myself to be hooked on the show. after all, the original telenovela was shown in manila, dubbed in the vernacular, five years ago. it was just about before we left for japan and i didn’t care so much about the show. when the series started here in the US two years ago, i wasn’t into it as i thought it too be formulaic for my own taste. but for some reasons, i bought the DVD set of the first season and suddenly, i found myself a fan of the show. it’s formulaic yes. betty is always there to save the day and yet, something about the show still appeals to me. maybe because it’s too damn funny. maybe because the characters are so real i can see them everyday in my daily commute. whatever it is, now i can’t wait for the DVD of the second season to be released. the cameo role of posh spice makes it all the more interesting.

i confess that i am an idol junkie, much more this year than the previous seasons and all because of DC. while others have said that they had him at ‘hello’, he had me hooked on his very first audition. something about him caught my attention and i followed his journey until he showed america (wow! i feel like ryan seacrest using this word) what he was truly capable of with his own rendition of lionel richie’s ‘hello’. i was even more impressed with him when i heard him sing ‘eleanor rigby’ and ‘daytripper’. i knew then there was no turning back for me when he belted out ‘billy jean’. i started voting for him when he sang ‘always be my baby’. and, i was moved to tears when he did ‘the first time i ever saw your face’.

last tuesday during the finale, i got a bit depressed after simon declared KO by archu (that’s how i call little david). i thought for a second that all was lost for DC. but i voted over and over again. i lost count on how many times i voted because the lines were busy most of the time so i just kept trying over and over. my votes were a big thing (yeah, it added to those 12 million votes he had over archu) considering that in the history of AI, i only voted for two contestants - daughtry and DC. and if daughtry is any indication of my ability to identify a star potential, i think DC will do well in the music industry. (i just realized that daughtry has the same initials as DC when inverted - CD. talk about coincidence.)

while archu’s voice was impeccable as it seemed, his performances last tuesday were safe and bordering on being bland and boring. DC, on the other hand, displayed maturity and versatility as a performer and an artist as he did week per week. of course, as simon would say ‘just my opinion’ (and a biased one at that).

on wednesday morning, still depressed over simon’s last words, i was surprised to see dialidol.com’s prediction that DC would win over archu. the site indicated that there was no margin of error in their prediction as there was more than 10% discrepancy in the vote percentage. still, i was reluctant to believe in anything. the last i wanted to happen was for me to wallow in disappointment. by noon, i was at peace with the idea that DC would place second to archu. i consoled myself with the thought that he would have more freedom as an artist if he is not under the contract of AI. and yet, at the back of my mind i was hoping that  america would get it right with the votes this time. i was anxious the whole time i was watching the show last wednesday and when the winner was finally announced, i was obviously ecstatic. not the wild kind of happiness. i just sat in front of the TV and savored the victory. twice. i felt the need to rewind my DVR from the time DC was announced the winner until the last notes of ‘the time of my life’. was it just me or did simon and paula look very happy with the results?

now that the show is over, i don’t know what to do with my tuesday and wednesday nights. it is as if a big chunk of my life has gone. i have been feeding myself with stories and clips about DC but it’s not the same as the feeling of anticipation for his next performance on the show. i had invested so much of myself in the show and now that it’s over i don’t know where to go from here. nothing, i guess but to wait for the release of DC’s first CD. until then, i have my ipod for my daily dose of DC’s songs.

i’ve been in bed rest for two days now owing to my recent oral surgery. finally, all of my wisdom teeth are gone.

it took almost two hours for my bottom and upper wisdom teeth to be taken out. stubborn, they were. stubborn, like me. the surgeon said my bones are strong. i must have been drinking a lot of milk. ironic, i told him. i do not like milk.

my bottom wisdom tooth was positioned close to the nerves. apparently, they were bruised while the surgeon was extracting my tooth. he said that i might have numbness of the tongue (or in scientific terms, paresthesia. thank you google). thankfully, i didn’t have. it also took a while before my upper tooth came off. while almost all teeth have only one root, mine had three. imagine that. it was like a tree growing inside my mouth. no wonder, the surgeon had a hard time pulling my teeth off. he said it was worse than the last time.

it was also more painful than the last time. i cried myself to sleep because of the pain. and since the operation, i have been sleeping all day long, napping after i take the painkillers. not that i’m complaining. i think that i’ve been really stressed out from work the past few weeks that my body is actually craving all the sleep it can get. i’m the toothless sleeping beauty now.

i only have tomorrow left and then i’m back to work. i don’t even want to think about it.

- that paper cuts are nature’s way of telling us to save the trees. i do get paper cut almost everyday and i feel that it’s only just since i use about two reams of coupon bond everyday for work. no exaggeration here. i do print a lot of stuff for work. in all fairness, i make sure that these paper gets thrown in our recycling bin when i no longer need them for my files.

- that philadelphia is a very lovely city. i had the privilege of going there last thursday for a business trip. our center is located in the heart of the city, in the midst of all the shops, restaurants and historical places. it’s a fusion of the old and the modern.

- that our apartment is freezing cold, especially for our old landlady downstairs. two weeks ago, i was venting on how she needed to turn off the heater. now, i want the heater back. or maybe, i just want the nice warm weather that was a couple of weeks ago.

- that i need a vacay. i have been so overworked and stressed out for the past weeks that i actually dread going to work. the thing is i am saving up all my vacay for when raj comes back here so i’m not going anywhere at least for the time being. i have an oral surgery next week though which would mean i have to work from home for a few days. i can’t wait. i never thought i’m gonna say this but i do look forward to that oral surgery.

- that fred the plant is dying. i think he needs some tender loving care and some sunshine. or maybe he needs a twin plant. i hope fred doesn’t die on me (yet again!) mrs. weasley will not be pleased. he!

- that jason catro’s version of somewhere over the rainbow is orgasmic. i swear when i first heard it on itunes, lewd thoughts swarmed in my head (not involving jason though). listen to it and be the judge.

- that DC should be named the next american idol. i’ve been voting like a madman for him ever since he sang always be my baby. i have been a fan since his first audition and there’s no turning back for me since then. i only started voting three weeks ago because he’s become so popular and i don’t want him to become another daughtry who placed a mere fourth when he was clearly the best in the pack. not that it really harmed daughtry in the end. still, i would love for DC to come out as the winner.

- that i need to blog more and be in tune with my inner self better.

i was in a real senti mood today so i digged up old emails circa 2003. i found an email from meds where she said ‘the four powers of the earth are scattered’, referring to me, herself, mel and jing. i was in japan then, jing back in her hometown while meds and mel were in manila. the email brought back the yesteryears of when the four of us were one unit. inseparable friends. my college years were defined on the many memories i shared with these three girls.

some of my fondest memories with meds, mel and jing:

(1) the journal we shared. it was our own version of ‘the sisterhood of the traveling pants’, only it was a journal which we shared and where we all wrote our thoughts, feelings and what-have-you. the pages of our journal bore witness to tales of unrequited young love, of different ramblings, of trivial matters and consequences  but more importantly, these pages strengthened our bonds of friendship. i remember that there was an entry on our wedding songs in one of our journals. i can’t remember exactly now what i wrote. i suppose only one of them made it to my actual wedding CD (that being the wannadies’ you and me song) but it would be nice to see what my list was back in the day.

(2) overnights at jing’s. of the four of us, jing had the coziest place. it was also close to UP and so naturally, it became the tambayan of the group. jing had a bunk bed. she and i slept on the lower berth while meds and mel occupied the upper berth. my favorite days would be when we would stay up late talking about anything under the sun (mostly about our single lives) and then waking up to the smell of freshly bought pandesal , corned beef and hot chocolate prepared by may (rest in peace). on some nights, our other friends would sleepover too. sometimes, they would have their drinking and smoking session. the good girl that i was, i usually opted to stay in the room and sleep or study.

(3) wendy’s at 3am. something needs to be said about this youthful spontaneity that we all possessed back then. it was one december night when sleep was evading us and we all thought of getting something to eat. jing’s place was about a 5 minute jeep ride away from wendy’s and dressed in our sleepwear, we all decided to head out to the said fast food. jing’s area was surrounded by cheap pubs and cabaret and a cab driver actually mistook us for prostitutes. he hand-signalled ‘1′ to us and the naive girl that i was, i thought that he  would charge us 100 for the cab ride. jing, meds and mel knew better and told me that what the driver meant was that he would pay us a hundred for the you-know-what. although it was a laugh trip, even now i cannot understand why he would think we were out to sell our bodies when we were all covered up in our PJs.

(4) december 1997. sometimes when the hustle and bustle of adult life suffocates me, i would close my eyes and imagine myself back in 1997 when our friendship was in its early beginnings. the images that my mind conjures are so vivid that i could smell the breath of air or feel the atmosphere in it. one of those images was of me walking from quezon hall to masscomm and seeing mel sitting under the shade of a tree, her back on me. it was very early in the morning, just past seven. i went to her, of course. she had her typewriter with her (yes, that was how jurassic our era was) and was apparently finishing a paper due. in this particular image, i could hear her telling me that her father dropped her off, that was why she was earlier than usual. or sometimes i would think about how the four of us stayed for the lantern parade. we sat on the grass between quezon hall and cmc while waiting for the traditional fireworks until exhaustion from previous night’s FC christmas party got the better of us and we decided to skip the event and went home. or sometimes i would vividly remember the day before we the start of he christmas break. meds and jing were to go back to their respective provinces. the three of us went to SM north because jing went to buy pastries for her family.

(5) the music galore. much of my taste in music now was influenced by these 3 girls. among us, jing was the most musically inclined. i remember how some nights she would play the piano and we would sing along with her, never mind that meds and i were tone deaf. or how meds and i would sing our hearts out every song we knew from the thick song book (another proof of how ancient our period was) i had at home. of course, there were also occasional dancing and clubbing whenever meds and i were involved.

the friendship that i have forged with meds, mel and jing is undoubtedly special. even now that we are all apart  and living different lives, i still consider them my best girl friends, my soul sisters. to say that i miss them three is an understatement. i long for the day when the four of us would be together again, perhaps with our own families. we had a conversation once when we were younger about how we would spend weekends together with our husbands and kids. i still wish that one day we’d still have this one weekend we dreamt of. we have a lot of catching up to do. indeed, the four powers of the earth are scattered. and yet we remain.

to meds, mel and jing, cheers to our friendship.

i woke up this morning and felt a wave of nostalgia seep through me. i realized it’s almost five years since raj, bong and i made our journey to the sleepy town of beppu (in my opinion), which ironically enough is in the land of the rising sun, japan. five years since then and yet many of those fond memories remained vivid in my mind.

i remember the 24th of september 2005, the day we traveled to japan for the first time. we went to the centennial airport very early anticipating the problems that we could run into checking in our oversized luggages. despite the fact that we were only allowed 20 kilos of luggage, we brought more than we should, hoping that they would go unnoticed. unfortunately, the airport officials noticed how heavy our carry-on baggages were right before we entered the immigration area. all three of us had to re-pack the last minute and we ended up paying USD200 for all the extra baggage that we had combined. bong also had to turn over the forks he brought from home. funny how he could have just thrown them away but as we were expecting a hard life in japan (with buying forks as an added expense), bong thought it best to turn them over and to collect them when we arrived in japan.

because of all the last minute rush, the plane had to wait for the three of us and so when we finally boarded the plane, the faces of irate passengers greeted us and we just had to sink low on our seats and hide ourselves from embarassment.

the flight from manila to fukuoka took about more than four hours. the airport was small in comparison with the other international airports we had been into. the three of us decided that we didn’t need anyone from the school to pick us up so we just waited for the bus that would take us to beppu to arrive. we bought food in a convenience store at the airport for our dinner. they were actually snacks as we were still converting from peso to yen then and we thought that everything was expensive. with my little knowledge of japanese, we were able to send some of our luggages via courier.

it was a two hour ride from fukuoka to beppu. we slept mostly in the bus as there was nothing else to see but trees and mountains. we arrived at the university almost 6pm. at the bus stop, we were greeted by the RAs. thankfully, we had decided to have our things sent by post from the airport because we had to trek down a long path of stairs (later on, we counted them to be about a hundred steps). under normal circumstances, i would have kvetched about the whole thing but  the novelty of being in a new place and experiencing new things won over.

the first thing we did was to check in our residence which would be our own sanctuary for the next 6 months. we found out that bong was in AP house 1 while raj and i were placed in AP house 2, the newer and better building. julie, the floor RA ushered me to room 521. it was a small room which had a single bed, a closet, a desk with my own phone and a fridge. i also had my own WC in the room which made it a bit convenient. she showed me around the whole building. all five floors had their own communal kitchen, showers and laundry areas. julie also informed me how to borrow a vacuum cleaner and iron. i remember that  one of the questions i asked julie was where can i get drinking water. she told me i can get it from the sink in my bathroom. growing up in a third world country, i thought it strange and unsafe to do so but later on, i learned that tap water in japan was safe.

after roaming around the building, i managed to locate raj. we lost bong as he was in the other building but we managed to find him too after one hour. we had dinner together. our first dinner was an instant cup of noodle for each which wasn’t really fully cooked because we didn’t have boiling hot water. the meal was a disaster to say the least but we were just happy being there after all the preparations that we took which lasted almost a year. (we were actually scheduled to start march 2005 but due to financial setbacks, we deferred our attendance to september). we parted ways that night with a pact not to wake each other up early the next day. it was actually more of a reminder to me as i was the early riser among the trio and both bong and raj wanted to sleep in late. but i was also exhausted that day and i wanted to relish my first night in japan. my first time to be truly away from home.

now that i think about it, i regret that i didn’t keep a journal of my first few months in japan. it would have been nice to have something tangible to read and see how much life had progressed since then for the three of us, and to have a testament of how we survived the test of time. our stay in japan wasn’t a bed of roses as some people would have imagined it to be. it was a humbling experience and an eye-opener.  and something that i would truly cherish forever.

i am finally a true blue new yorker with a state ID to prove that.

let me tell you why it’s such a big deal to me.

i was denied twice. yes, two times. i applied for a new york state ID and twice they rejected me. one was before i flew to santa barbara. although i was about to leave new york then, i thought having a new york state ID was a prestige in itself. the second time was a year ago right after i came back from our one year residency in california.

the reason i was denied: my name was incorrectly spelled in my permanent resident card. before NYS DM would issue any photo document for the first time, the applicants must show the following proofs:

- Proof of date of birth

- 4 points of proof of name along with the social security card.

the permanent resident card is already 3 points per se and an ATM card is another one point. without the former, i wasn’t able to produce the required 4 points so i was advised to have my permanent resident card corrected.

alas, it took me a year (actually almost eleven years as the error was made right after we migrated) to finally have my name changed to its correct spelling. on good friday, while the rest of my western european region was on a holiday, i took the opportunity to apply for a state ID. i went to the nearest DMV office which is  they say a license express station. it still took me three hours to apply for an ID but it was all worth it because they finally approved my application. and i got my ID card a couple of weeks ago.

on a side note, both the states of hawaii and california gave me an ID even though they noted that my name was misspelled in my permanent resident card. i suppose to each its own is the rule.