i’ve always been fascinated with the concept of past life so imagine my surprise when i chatted with aki a month ago. she said that a psychic in japan told her that she and i were twin sisters in 16th century spain. i swear i got chills right when she said that and i told her that i can absolutely believe the psychic. i have written about aki on a few occasions here in my blog. she was my roommate in NY who shared the same birthday as mine. i barely knew her when i agreed to have her rent a room in our apartment. in fact, i had never met her when i did. raj, who was aki’s boss at that time, introduced me to her. but we hit it off instantly like long lost friends. or twin sisters, as the psychic said.

this was probably one of the reasons why i was drawn to japan, even at an early age. now that i have come to think of it, maybe the bonds of my past were urging me to find my sister. naturally, i told aki this. in response, she said that this past life could also be the reason why she was eager to learn spanish language. i told aki that the philippines was under spain in the 16th century. i was perhaps a cruel senorita who shamelessly called the natives ‘indios’ and so i was born one in my next life. i am a living testimony of karma. coincidentally, we have another friend and co-worker who we both met in NY and who was inseparable with us. her name is lula and she was born in paraguay, a native spanish speaker. i asked aki if the psychic told her something about lula’s role in her past life. aki said the psychic didn’t say anything but perhaps, she may be our servant. i laughed at the idea but did not dismiss it completely. after all, servant or not, she may have been a part of our past too.

*****

it’s all so romantic to me when twin flames or soulmates find each other in the next life to continue what they have had or what not. it is for this reason that the movie ’somewhere in time’ has touched me. once i even tried to submerge myself in intense meditation in the hope of transporting myself back to the past. of course, i failed because i had such limited attention span. nonetheless, it did not hinder me from wanting to know what i was and what i had become. but i am not the type of believer who seeks truth from medical journals or academic discourse. it is enough for me to strongly believe in my own cosmic connection with other people i know and feel are part of my past lives.

for instance, when i first saw raj in our film 100 class in college, i thought i knew him from way before although that was the first class we took together. later on, i would remember him from a dream when i was about 10 years old. he was that chinese (or japanese) looking boy that figured so prominently in my dream and he was just an image back then. (i also wrote this on a previous entry.) now i wonder if unconsciously, there was at some point when we were kids that our paths crossed that led me to the dream. like maybe he was the boy who stood inches from me while watching the COD display one december night (it’s possible since we both saw it when we were kids). or maybe fate has its own way of reminding us of our own past and letting us foresee our future through dreams.

i have also dreamt before that i was a filipina in love with a japanese soldier during world war 2. the soldier appeared blurry in my dream but i knew instantly when i woke up that raj was the japanese soldier. and for whatever reason, death i suppose, we never had the chance to fulfill our destiny. and so once more here in our next lives, we meet again.

i can tell a dozen more stories about my cosmic connection with raj but it wouldn’t matter to anyone who reads this as much as it would to me. it may all sound crazy and cheesy to many and yet. i believe.

two halves of the same soul, together in life’s journey.

*****

so far, the stories above has led me to believe that i was a spanish and a filipino in my past lives. but i also truly feel that somewhere in between or prior to my 16th century reincarnation, i was also an animal circus trainer (yes, i’m like the ring leader, i call the shots) and a dancer. but regardless, i strive to be a better person in this lifetime so i will become greater in the next. i have yet to transcend, i think i have been born a filipino twice already which probably means i still have to pay for my previous sins. oh karma!

santa barbara wildfires. yet again.

santa barbara is a place that holds many wonderful memories in my heart so the news alarms me as much as a local resident. and even more, it inspired me to write, finally, about our home in santa barbara

we first arrived in santa barbara in mid-january of 2007. the sunny weather that welcomed us was a relief from the winter wonderland that was NY where we came from. my first impression was it was very much like hawaii – the sunshine, the cool breeze, the mountains, the seas, even the smell of the cab’s freshener reminded me of my mom’s car back in hawaii

although we were billeted at extended stay hotel for a month which my company paid for, raj went right straight to the business of apartment hunting. he browsed all the ads; made the calls and the appointmens, and the initial visits. we knew early on that the quest for the perfect apartment might prove difficult because of budget constraints. we were told that the average one bedroom apartment in santa barbara cost about 1200-1500 USD. and for a starting couple like us, that seemed a bit too much. i was therefore ready to settle for less

on our second weekend in santa barbara, raj took me to the apartments that passed the initial screening. the very first apartment i saw, it was love at first sight. right from when i first stepped into the gate of the complex. i was welcomed by the landscaped small and yet beautiful garden placed aesthetically in the middle of all the apartment units. there were a few benches surrounding the garden (one of which was directly across our unit which made it perfect for reading). there was a small patio by the back gate with cozy poolside lounge chairs where residents can sun bathe, or simply relax and unwind whenever they wanted. it felt like stepping into the set of melrose place, only it was very real for us

the vacany was in unit no. 8. it being my favorite number, i took it as a divine omen. the inside of the apartment made me fall in love with it even more. it was a one-bedroom apartment . both the living room and the bedroom were spacious enough. the bedroom had two large windows overlooking the mountains. the kitchen was fully furnished with a small counter. even the most trivial of detail such as the food grinder in the sink sold the place to me. adjacent to the kitchen was the dining area which could hold up to four people. the bathroom although full was constricted to my liking. but still, this did not deter me from declaring outright that it was the perfect place for raj and me. the price, which was 1115 USD, fit exactly into our budget. we were also only required to pay the security deposit which was half of the monthly rent, unlike most apartments which asked for a deposit equivalent to the monthly rent or even more, as well for the last month payment. on top of it all, the bus stop was just across the street, so the commute was convenient.

raj said that i shouldn’t make the choice based on that apartment alone; i should still see the rest that he marked on. and thus continued the quest for our apartment shopping, even though i was fairly certain that nothing could top the first one we saw. the second apartment we looked at was only a few blocks away from the first one. it was also a one bedroom apartment. the floor area was pretty decent too. but the major turn off was it was across the cemetery, and i mean directly across that when i looked outside the window of the living room (or was it the bedroom), i saw the grave yard. yaiiks! i did not fancy a night of the living dead happening right before my eyes so rejecting this apartment was pretty easy

the third apartment we saw was also a few blocks away. the apartment unit was on the second floor. there was no elevator so naturally, our first thought was how are we going to bring all our stuff up to the apartment. the floor area was smaller compared to the first two. another downside was that the bathroom was in the lone bedroom which made the place not visitor-friendly at all.

after 3 apartments, i decided to give up the apartment hunting. after all, i thought we got lucky finding the perfect place. i stood as the broker of the first apartment like a seasoned pro until raj finally consented. we signed the application forms and hoped that there were no other applicants. a couple of days later, we got the call from the apartment manager informing us that the apartment was ours to lease. the same night, we signed all the documents and paid the deposit. a few more days later, we started moving in our things

up to this day, i never have had any regrets picking the place. i know my instincts were right. what makes it even more special is that is the very first apartment that raj and i had as a married couple, without other people living with us. the apartment was our threshold to independence and to a joint life of adulthood. it gave us a fresh start, something that when we tell our kids about in the future, we will look back with great fondness

this is the story of our first home.