What she came to was that even if someone wasn’t perfect or even especially good, you couldn’t dismiss the love they felt. Love was always love; it had a rightness all its own, even if the person feeling the love was full of wrongness. - from ‘Love Walked In’

i am so moved by the quote above even if this realization came from an 11-year old girl in the book. i personally believe that no 11-year old is too clever to have this clear understanding of love.

love was always love. i love the simplicity of this thought, notwithstanding all the complications that arise from the pure act of loving another person. there’s always a holiness in varying proportions that comes with it despite the flaws and shortcomings of the person in love.

i thought so much about snape in relation to the quote. (caution: harry potter nerd on the loose now.) he’s loved lily so much until his last breath that it’s become easier for the readers to forgive his past misdoings and arrogance. all throughout the series, we are led to believed that he is someone incapable of compassion and loyalty, only to be revealed in the very end that whatever he’s done, he did for his love of lily the only way he knows how. yes, he is contemptuous and self-serving but he redeems himself somehow when we learn that underneath the hard exterior is a man who tried to better himself in the name of love. even his act of mercy toward dumbledore is a manifestation of a love to the man who showed faith on him when no else did.

we are all snapes in this world in one way or another, whether or not you have read harry potter and you know the character i was talking about. at some point in our lives, we makes mistakes, consciously or otherwise, because of loving another person too much. and even if we fall in love under the wrong circumstances, a part of us says that what we feel is right. because love in itself, in its simplest and purest form is always right, i believe.

we err because we are humans. we are humans because we love.

robert fulghum in one of his books said that people should go to reunions at least once to ’see who you were or else you will never fully understand who you are and who you yet may become.’

it’s fascinating though that in this age, there may be no need for us to attend reunions as fulghum advises us to do. with the advent of facebook and other social networking sites, it’s so much easier now to gain this self perspective. facebook does not only allow us to reconnect with our old friends and mere acquaintances, even those we considered rivals, back in high school and college and to rekindle the ties that were broken by distance and time, but it also enables us to peek into their lives unobtrusively and see how much or how little have changed over the past years, or decades perhaps. we see glimpses of what the present has become for people who were once part of our lives, however trivial their roles were. and through this, we get a better grasp of our own progression, or the lack of it.

going to facebook is probably even more better than attending an actual reunion and seeing in person the people who were former friends, classmates or acquaintances. for one, we never have to worry about our image and the transformation we have had and what-not, in between then and now. for most of us, leaving school, whether high school or college, became a venue to mature and to better ourselves as individuals. we went to college to pursue higher learning but moreso, we went our separate ways to find our own unique selves fronting the conformity and striking homogeneity in high school. when we graduated from college, we hoped to carve our niche in this world. some succeeded big time, others failed miserably and there are those that continue to float in between. still whichever path we have taken, we all want to look good and we want everyone to think that we have done well. in reunions, we take the time to dress nicely, we bring our spouses or partners and then we try to brag what we have become. but one night is not enough to encapsulate a decade worth of achievements or failures, whichever the case may be.

in contrast, facebook allows us more and better opportunities to present ourselves to other people. there is no pressure to measure up to other people’s expectations of us. there is no need to be a pretentious romy or michelle to get everyone else’s attention. in facebook, we can create our own profile and we can even hide our own failures and insecurities by fabricating lies although the world is very small now for anyone not to notice. we can update our status every minute of the day and speak our minds out without hesitations. we can upload pictures of both past and present to show how we have evolved over time or simply to confirm to others that we have become better people. and as if these are not enough, we have family, friends and colleagues to affirm who we are in relation to the present world we lived in. our wall posts, information, photos and whatever else we have on our facebook account are a reflection of us. we can be seen and followed constantly if we choose to be conspicuous. and so, we are judged based on our current lives and the changes that continuously transpire, and not in mere fugacious moments or distant memories that a reunion brings.

second, we never have to worry if our old pals, those that we lost in touch with after graduation, and us would still click the way we used to; or, if the cliques, stereotypical as they were in high school (and sometimes even in college) but nonetheless true, continue to exist even with the passage of time. we do not have to pretend to like anyone out of courtesy and they wouldn’t have to know or feel it. we never have to meet the people who once broke our young hearts and worry if we would feel a pang of remorse or bitterness upon seeing them. we don’t have to endure the twinge of guilt if we do not remember the face or even the name of a supposedly member of the same class. we never have to think about how to fill in those dreadful and awkward silences that may come and go, or how to escape the obnoxious and loquacious braggarts.

with facebook, people can be on each other’s friend’s list without actually being one in the truest sense of the word. after all, facebook is more of a networking site. real friends, those that have withstood the test of time, do not need such medium to preserve their friendship. also, we can filter information and ignore the people we don’t like to be a part of our world, virtual or otherwise. and, we  can indulge ourselves in schadenfreude without anyone knowing.  but on a more positive note, facebook gives us more time to bridge the gap and to catch up with the lives of our former friends. sometimes, even a simple gesture as liking one’s status is an acknowledgement per se of being present in one’s world at a given time. facebook gives us many chances to disclose stories from bygone years to beyond at our own liking. there is no rush just because the night is coming to an end like an organized reunion does. it’s an everyday event and everyone is welcome to experience the simple pleasures that it brings to us.

losing my maiden name is akin to losing a fragment of myself.

for the past 30 years of my existence, i had carried my father’s surname. it is a name difficult to pronounce, even to filipinos which i don’t understand because it’s so easy to read it in syllabicated form. but then again, sometimes this pronunciation issue becomes an advantage when people tend to identify me as the girl-with-a-difficult-to-pronounce-last-name. in a way, without meaning to, i am remembered.

i also like how both my first and last name begin with a ‘G’. never mind if i was teased in high school as galunggong (a type of fish that is common food among the poor and abbreviated as gg). to me, the double G per se gave me individuality, a distinct personality. later on, i changed the double g to mean as gorgeous g, a vanity plate that i wore among my closest friends.

i have been married for over 3 years now but i am only adopting my husband’s last name now. it was because of legal reasons that i chose not to use it right after our civil wedding and wait until i get naturalized. i am very lucky that my husband did not insist for me to change my surname to his nor did he resent me for choosing not to for the longest time. but now, the time has come and i am all ready to drop my maiden name.

indeed, i am losing an identity that i have had since birth, and yet ironically, i feel so complete now that i am finally adopting my husband’s surname.

i’m published!

hawaii-filipino chronicle used my article about cory aquino below in their aug. 8th issue. apart from some minor grammatical corrections (which i am thankful for because i don’t closely edit my work), they retained everything i wrote in my previous entry. i know you can just read it below but just the same, here’s the link as a proof and because i am so damn proud of myself (i’m even blushing now, teehee!)

http://thefilipinochronicle.com/hfchronicle%20Feature_A%20Eulogy%20to%20Cory_08082009.html

it’s also published in print but i live in a rural area (gah!) so the newspaper copies haven’t reached us. or maybe they have. the last time i checked was last sunday and i’m just lazy to go out and check again. after all, i’ve already read it online. i just wanted to grab a copy of the newspaper as soon as i learned that the issue’s out because i fear that they would bowdlerize my work.

it’s my first published work with a byline so i’m naturally ecstatic about the whole thing. i used to work in a small PR firm in manila so i actually already published a few but without my name on them.

i believe that the universe conspired for this to happen and it gave me the omens i needed to follow my personal legend (in reference to paolo coelho’s the alchemist).

first is a correspondence with an old friend from college. a couple of weeks ago, i emailed my friend kristian who now lives in NY about my blog entry entitled i heart NY. it was actually a spur of the moment decision to email him. even he was surprised to read my email. i just thought at that time that he would appreciate my entry about NY because i know he loves (or loved) the city as much as i do. kristian replied to me and said two things that got me into thinking: (1) to have time for my own hobbies for self-nourishment, and (2) to continue to write. he also encouraged me to share my work to a larger audience because as he so beautifully put, ‘what is the use of technique if there is no soul behind the piece?’

i’ve always wanted to write. this 4-year old blog is a testament to my hobby that is writing. but i’ve really never shared my blog with others beyond my circle of friends, primarily because i am not confident about my writing style. i fear the criticisms. i also do not want other people to expect regular entries from me. i’m a sporadic blogger; my muse comes and goes without any warning; i only want to write at my own will in my own pace without pressure from other people. this is also one of the reasons why i decided not to pursue journalism. i am not the type who will go to any length for the sake of news reporting. i’d prefer news coming to me (maybe i can be a gossip columnist). or i’d rather stick to features and personal stories, thank you very much. i write mostly for myself, about myself. ergo, the title of my blog. more often than not, this is a venue for my vanity.

but as i said, kristian’s words got me into thinking. i mean if my personal view on NY has moved him, then there must be something more than my ego speaking. so monday last week, i gathered all my guts and submitted my article about cory aquino and her death to hawaii-filipino chronicle. i wasn’t expecting anything at all so i was really surprised and happy when a few hours later, the managing editor contacted me to confirm that they would publish the article.

the second omen is the short biographical account of how jk rowling faced all adversities to publish the first harry potter, which i read. her story is truly inspirational for someone like me who dreams of getting published. she said that she used a typewriter to write the early drafts of her book and i remember those days when i too used the antiquated typewriter (ugh, i feel so old) to write film and television scripts woven from my young and simple imagination. she also said that she got refused by major publishing houses when she initially proposed the book concept, which only proves that rejection does not mean the end of our dreams. i’m no jk rowling but her story gives me the courage to reach for my own stars. ad astra per aspera.

the third omen and the most obvious one is that i get published on my first attempt.

so now, i’m working on my writing more than ever. i am editing some of my previous posts here (the serious stuff) not only in the hope of getting them published, but more so for my personal growth and the culmination of my dreams.

now, if you would excuse me and my shameless ego. ta!

‘it is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.’

once more i am reminded of this beautiful quote by dumbledore in harry potter and the chamber of secrets with the passing of maria corazon cojuangco aquino, more popularly known to the filipino nation as cory. she was the first woman president not only in the philippines, but in the whole of asia. that alone counts for something. and yet what she had given our nation and the world transcends the feminist role in an otherwise male-dominated society

cory was catapulted into presidency in 1986 via the peaceful power people revolution. i was only 8 years old at that time and apparently too young to truly understand the struggles that plagued our country. in truth, my naive self was a marcos loyalist, coming from a family of pure ilocanos. my uncle even served as a soldier for the marcoses during the tumultuous period of political unrest. we would get from him marcos stickers, banners and paraphernalia, enough to believe that the incumbent president was a good man. he was merely a victim of incessant politicking, rather than the perpetrator of unjust doings. of course, i never really knew about the martial law, the dictatorship and the corruption of his government that gradually erode the foundation of our society. needless to say, i was blinded by false loyalty.

years later, i would fully comprehend what cory meant to the filipinos and what she had done. she was the driving force of the people power movement even if she didn’t seem to be the most qualified person to do so. after all, she was first and foremost a wife to ninoy aquino (a political prisoner himself and the arch nemesis of marcos) and a mother to five children. but even then, she showed her character by being a pillar of strength to her husband when she could have asked ninoy to cease his political inclination in exchange for a quiet family life. instead she gave him her unwavering support even after his death.

when she was called to run for presidency in a snap election, she embraced the challenge of toppling the 20-year old dictator of a president, not for personal glory but because she knew this was the right thing to do. she could have easily opted for the easy road out. she could have gone back to the US with her children and sought political asylum but she chose otherwise. in the midst of the chaos and threats, she chose to be the brave leader and a beacon of hope for a people willing to fight and die for freedom. and this made all the difference. history tells us that it was this fearless choice of hers that restored our democracy.

cory was the president of the philippines from 1986-1992. when she stepped down from her seat, she once again showed us the person that she was. she was not gobbled up by power and fame unlike many politicians and celebrities. she remained the humble, unassuming, honorable lady that she was before she was elected in the highest office of the land. she chose to uphold the constitution and more importantly, to give the people their inalienable right to vote in a free election. the last state of the nation address of cory as president is a testament to the choices she made for the sake of democracy.

‘…I could have done all those things that win wide acclaim, exiting as grandly as any president could wish. But while my power as president ends in 1992, my responsibility as a Filipino for the well-being of my country goes beyond it to my grave. A great part of that responsibility is to do the best I can today, according to my best lights, while I have the power to do it…’

it’s so easy to take for granted the democracy and freedom that we are now enjoying. but i hope that cory’s death will serve as a reminder for us to value these things even more. it’s the most we can do to show our eternal gratitude to cory aquino, and because this gift of freedom enables us to make our own choices that ultimately define who we are.

rest in peace, madam president.

i’ve always been fascinated with the concept of past life so imagine my surprise when i chatted with aki a month ago. she said that a psychic in japan told her that she and i were twin sisters in 16th century spain. i swear i got chills right when she said that and i told her that i can absolutely believe the psychic. i have written about aki on a few occasions here in my blog. she was my roommate in NY who shared the same birthday as mine. i barely knew her when i agreed to have her rent a room in our apartment. in fact, i had never met her when i did. raj, who was aki’s boss at that time, introduced me to her. but we hit it off instantly like long lost friends. or twin sisters, as the psychic said.

this was probably one of the reasons why i was drawn to japan, even at an early age. now that i have come to think of it, maybe the bonds of my past were urging me to find my sister. naturally, i told aki this. in response, she said that this past life could also be the reason why she was eager to learn spanish language. i told aki that the philippines was under spain in the 16th century. i was perhaps a cruel senorita who shamelessly called the natives ‘indios’ and so i was born one in my next life. i am a living testimony of karma. coincidentally, we have another friend and co-worker who we both met in NY and who was inseparable with us. her name is lula and she was born in paraguay, a native spanish speaker. i asked aki if the psychic told her something about lula’s role in her past life. aki said the psychic didn’t say anything but perhaps, she may be our servant. i laughed at the idea but did not dismiss it completely. after all, servant or not, she may have been a part of our past too.

*****

it’s all so romantic to me when twin flames or soulmates find each other in the next life to continue what they have had or what not. it is for this reason that the movie ’somewhere in time’ has touched me. once i even tried to submerge myself in intense meditation in the hope of transporting myself back to the past. of course, i failed because i had such limited attention span. nonetheless, it did not hinder me from wanting to know what i was and what i had become. but i am not the type of believer who seeks truth from medical journals or academic discourse. it is enough for me to strongly believe in my own cosmic connection with other people i know and feel are part of my past lives.

for instance, when i first saw raj in our film 100 class in college, i thought i knew him from way before although that was the first class we took together. later on, i would remember him from a dream when i was about 10 years old. he was that chinese (or japanese) looking boy that figured so prominently in my dream and he was just an image back then. (i also wrote this on a previous entry.) now i wonder if unconsciously, there was at some point when we were kids that our paths crossed that led me to the dream. like maybe he was the boy who stood inches from me while watching the COD display one december night (it’s possible since we both saw it when we were kids). or maybe fate has its own way of reminding us of our own past and letting us foresee our future through dreams.

i have also dreamt before that i was a filipina in love with a japanese soldier during world war 2. the soldier appeared blurry in my dream but i knew instantly when i woke up that raj was the japanese soldier. and for whatever reason, death i suppose, we never had the chance to fulfill our destiny. and so once more here in our next lives, we meet again.

i can tell a dozen more stories about my cosmic connection with raj but it wouldn’t matter to anyone who reads this as much as it would to me. it may all sound crazy and cheesy to many and yet. i believe.

two halves of the same soul, together in life’s journey.

*****

so far, the stories above has led me to believe that i was a spanish and a filipino in my past lives. but i also truly feel that somewhere in between or prior to my 16th century reincarnation, i was also an animal circus trainer (yes, i’m like the ring leader, i call the shots) and a dancer. but regardless, i strive to be a better person in this lifetime so i will become greater in the next. i have yet to transcend, i think i have been born a filipino twice already which probably means i still have to pay for my previous sins. oh karma!

raj egged me to sign up for twitter and i said yes on the condition that he would update my status for me. that was two days ago. today, i found myself exploring twitter and updating my own status. twice already and i’m giddy to make another one soon. i know twitter is suppose to keep your friends updated on what you are doing as often as you could. but i don’t really have any followers on my account except my loyal fans, aka husband and sister and yet, i’m slowly being sucked in the twitter world. as if friendster and facebook are not enough to keep me entertained.

i opened my friendster account on october 2006. again, it was raj who asked me to do so. he said it was a good way of staying connecting with family and friends and finding old ones whom we lost in touch with since we were in japan at that time. and it didn’t disappoint. friendster became an amusing hobby; another venue to communicate with friends, old and new. i found my almost forgotten childhood and high school acquaintances and friends. i re-connected with people that used to be part of my life. i was able to keep track of events that transpired in their lives i wouldn’t have known otherwise. through friendster, i was able to compare my life with others’; envy and yet be happy with their successess; or, rejoice in their failures (insert evil laugh here). in other words, i stalked people through friendster.

the thing i liked most about friendster was that when it was new, people wrote about testimonials to each other. it was a great opportunity to tell other people how wonderful someone is. and for a narcissistic person that i was, that feature was akin to chicken soup for the soul. yes indeed. but in all fairness to me, i did write a lot of testimonials for other people too without being forced to. now, the testimonials have been replaced with comments, much to my dismay, in keeping up with myspace and facebook. what’s worse, there has been a lot of hacking going on which enables posers to send lewd graphic messages or junk emails. having said that, i don’t go to friendster that much anymore. i have moved on to facebook where the population is more diverse on an international scale. friendster, on the other hand is dominated by the filipinos as myspace is to americans.

i opened a facebook account a year and a half ago through an invitation sent by my former boss delphine. through facebook, i am able to connect with both filipino and international friends, officemates and family members living in and out of the country. now, i can stay in touch with them and keep track of their lives with a brief message on their wall, a comment in their picture or a virtual poke every now and then. unlike friendster, keeping a facebook account is not merely an amusing hobby that i partake, it is a necessity in this age and in this world where international borders are being crossed, physically or otherwise.

but facebook does not only prove how small the world is or that we all live in six degrees of separation. the other social networks can attest to that too. the best thing about facebook, for me is that it embodies the concept of global village, or at least that is how it appears to be in my case. for instance, i know when my filipino friend mel who now resides in singapore, is up to start her day despite the time and geographical difference, thru her status update in facebook because she is one of those many people who constantly updates it. i also know that my sister spent time playing ‘word challenge’ to beat my record when she was supposed to write her thesis. now she’s on top of the leader board while i moved to the third spot after jennie who is currently in canada. several other friends from other parts of the world play the same game and i know from the scores who’s doing well. another example would by my colleague stephanie who went on a business trip in brazil a couple of weeks ago. i know that she combined business and pleasure from the pictures she posted and that she got stuck in sao paulo for a night before finally making it home. small, random things you would never have learned if not for facebook.

indeed, our lives are now an open book. thanks to facebook.

who doesn’t want to win the lotto? i bet everyone dreams of hitting the jackpot, especially if it reaches a historic 380++ million php like what happened a couple of days back in my home country.

gambling is illegal in hawaii so there’s no lotto here. but back in NY, i played lotto from time to time, and earnestly wished that my numbers would be drawn. i only bet a maximum of 5 dollars per draw so naturally, the chances of me winning were very small. still though, i hoped.

with millions of lotto money, here are the things that i would do:

• go back to school for a post-graduate degree
• travel the world for one year, in extravagance (not backpacking)
• set-up a retirement fund for my parents
• buy our own house in NY, and may be another one in hawaii
• get myself a lasik treatment (oh, to have my 20/20 vision back!)
• shop til i drop  in milan
• set-up a scholarship fund for less fortunate but motivated kids 
• put up a business

hawaii is home to many species of birds. i see them everywhere. i hear them even when i am inside the room and the windows are shut. these birds are part of my daily existence, more pronounced than ever. this is why i was inspired to create an entry about birds.

*****

it wasn’t as if this is the first time i have seen so many birds in my life. true. back in manila when i was young, there were still plenty of mayas around. when i was in japan, there were always black crows or common ravens so much so that i ceased imagining them as bad omens as old folk lores would say. if they were such bad omens, japan wouldn’t have prospered at all, right? when we lived in santa barbara, we were graced by the presence of different bird species, much like what we have in hawaii. but i was busy being bored then with the laidback california lifestyle that i took for granted the beauty of nature. and then we moved to new york. who says new york doesn’t have birds? of course, it does. pigeons are everywhere, it’s not so hard to notice them. actually, i often wonder how can they become so fat when they only scavenge for daily food.

*****

i dreamt of pigeons the other day. in my dream, i was trying to shoo a pigeon with a book because it wanted to poop on me but it kept flying around my head. and then two more pigeons started fighting with each other on my left hand, which turned out to be raj who was trying to shake me off as i was mumbling in my sleep. he thought that i was having a nightmare. it was actually sort of funny. i laughed when i woke up . it was a a slapstick comedy of a dream, if there is ever such a thing as dream genre.

*****

the chinese believe that if a pigeon pooped on you, you will receive good luck. or, at least this was what a chinese man told my sister when a pigeon pooped on her shoulder while walking in the city. she was so embarrassed about the whole thing when the man approached her and asked her if he could touch her shoulder and have some of the poop. apparently, he wanted his own share of good luck.

*****

my sister, she’s terrified of birds in as much as i am of rats. i don’t know if there was a story behind it. but me, i have a reason to be. i was attacked by a rooster back in manila. i was picking some things up when the rooster kicked my back. i didn’t mind it at first, thinking that it was only trying to fly and inadvertently landed at my back (although forceful). the next instant, it came flying toward me again and kicked my leg. it hurt so badly that i had to tell the owner to put the rooster back in its cage because i was being attacked. it’s funny when i think about it now (another slapstick comedy in the making) but it wasn’t at that moment. imagine cockfights. that’s how strong a rooster is. can be. no wonder, i bruised after.

*****

my favorite are eagles. i love, love eagles.  i wonder why those brown, little, ordinary mayas were originally named as the philippines’ national bird when we had the monkey eating eagle a.k.a philippine eagle, one of the world’s largest and powerful birds, to be proud of. thank god for fidel ramos. he made the philippine eagle the national bird in 1995.

*****

i don’t know where my fascination originated. but i remember when i was young, eons ago when global warming was not yet in our everyday vocabulary, people pointed to the sky once in a while and said that an eagle or a hawk was flying. i would rather see  one eagle, a lone monkey eating eagle soaring so marvelously in the sky, than a hundred colorful birds.

****

in celebration of my anniversary at work, exactly three years today, i am sharing with you ten things that i learned from it:

- you can make friends in your workplace.

i’ve read a lot of articles about why the office is not an ideal place to meet friends. the primary reason being is that your colleagues are ultimately in competition with you. true that. but this doesn’t mean to say that you can never find true friends in your work place. in fact, i have made a handful of friends in my current job. these are people whom i am willing to spend time with beyond the normal duty of after work happy hours and people i would have in my facebook because i don’t care if they get privy to my personal life. these are people whom i trust and whom i will never betray even if the job calls for it.

- learn to negotiate.

in the culture where i grew up, negotiating with your boss is a no-no. employees wait for promotion and salary increase. fortunately here in the US, we exercise freely the right to negotiate. when i was offered the position in NY, i made sure that it was worth it. when i thought that i had too much on my plate and yet did not get overtime pay (because i was salaried), i wrote to my supervisor and asked either for extra compensation or for additional staff members. when my filipino friend who also works in NY learned about what i did, he was surprised but at the same time proud of me. no one will look after yourself but you so you gotta  know your self-worth and learn the art of negotiation.

- it’s hard being the boss.

everyone dreams of becoming a boss for the prestige, power and money if anything. but being the boss also meant added weight to your shoulders because you become responsible for your people. not only would you have to ensure that their demands and needs are met; being a good manager also entails owning up to your staff’s mistakes and blunders. i had the experience of having 7 people report to me and while i enjoyed being the superior (mind you, i was a cool boss), it was also stressful in a way with all of them depending on my decision and with me making sure that they were doing their work properly.

- be a role model.

i am a firm believer of leadership by example. i made sure that i was effective in my post especially in the presence of my team members. i was prompt, efficient and highly productive of my time. i was kind and considerate but was also strict when needed. i acknowledged their work from the simplest of things that they had to perform everyday to the big things they went out of their way to do for the job. these were some of the values and attitudes that i instilled, or hope to have instilled on them.

- sometimes, small companies are better than the big corporations.

about 8 months after i started, the small ESL company that hired me merged with a large and well-known corporation. we grew from 7 schools to 24 schools in the US alone. while this was certainly plus factor in my resume, the disadvantages were far greater. for one, we now have to deal with bureaucracy. everything needs to get the approval of the proper department while as we only had to deal with one boss before. it’s also a misconception that working for a high-profile corporation meant a fat pay cheque. in fact, i even got more significant increase(s) before the merger. i got a 10% increase after 3 months; another 18% when i was promoted; and then 36% as a result of the negotiation i referred as above when i moved to NY, all in a span of one year. after the merger, i only got 3% increase and that was even after all the hard work i put in the previous year. 3% was the maximum raise the company could give. in addition, we have to struggle against politicking, or at least i did when i was in NY. for big corporation, it’s all about titles and ranks. and i hated it. there was a feeling of close camaraderie when working for a small corporation and apparently with big establishments, such intimacy is lost with the inclusion of hundreds of people.

- people come and go.

as a result of the said merger, many people had left our schools and offices. and sadly, they were the good ones. my boss-mentor-friend delphine decided to migrate to sweden for love (her exact words). my favorite school director accepted an offer from a rival school and now she’s become the VP. it’s understandable that people would leave for career and personal growth because ultimately we all work to evolve and progress. but it’s a different story altogether when people leave because they are unhappy with their working environment and sadly, this was the case for many of them. they simply couldn’t adjust to the ill effects of the merger as listed above. my friend at work once told me that she got nauseous in the mornings every time she thought about the monotony of her job. a few months later, she resigned. to be honest, this was how i felt too before i left our NY office. now, i feel so much better working at home in a different role.

- learn to delegate.

when i first hired an assistant, i was reluctant to give her big tasks for fear that she may not be able to do them as i pleased so i relegated her menial tasks. until i remembered richard carlson’s advice as written in ‘don’t sweat the small stuff at work’. he said that we must learn to delegate tasks and so i did. over time, i continued to increase the responsibilities of my staff in order to motivate and challenge them. by delegating additional tasks to them, i was not only able to manage all our time effectively but in a way, i was also able to provide them the opportunity to grow in their role and to develop their competence. i am very proud how i had mentored aki and lula in their roles. they were my source of pride – lula with how she transitioned from being my assistant to student services coordinator at school and aki with how she developed her confidence and skills.

- sell yourself.

modesty is a virtue but it doesn’t get you anywhere in a dog-eat-dog environment such as the work place. admittedly, this is a lesson that i need to practice. being an asian, i too believed that the ’superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions’ as so wisely put by confucius. but he never worked overseas so he wouldn’t know that this dictum can work against his asian fellows in other parts of the world. humility does not sit well in a capitalist society as america. employers would not invest their time and money if you do not know how to market yourself. when i had my performance appraisal last year, i gave myself 4 (meets and exceeds some expectations) out of 5 (outstanding) even though i knew it my heart i deserved a 5. my asian upbringing got the best of me. when my boss reviewed my self-assessment, he was surprised to see that i sold myself short and told me point-blank to stop being modest.

- personalize your emails.

80% of my job is done through email but i have made plenty of friends from our agents overseas just by our correspondence online. i would sometimes tell them something about the weather, or the place i am in, or something about myself. for my japanese agents, i would tell them anecdotes of when i was a student in japan. they even thought i was a vivacious brazilian girl as my emails always seemed to be full of life. a ‘dear’ or a ‘hi’ in the salutation, even in a business letter, can make a whole lot difference in how a person reads an email. trust me on this one. i’ve received too many emails in this lifetime to distinguish the friendly emails from the ‘cold’ ones.

- punch out

this was actually something i learned in one of the episodes of ugly betty and that i applied in my life. there was a point in my career when i continually checked my emails at home after working 10 hours, and in the weekends because i wanted to keep myself busy. that was when raj was back in manila. when he returned, i started punching out daily. i leave all the worries and stress at work in the office and focus on being a wife when i get home. this is also why i did not set-up my work email in my blackberry so i would not be tempted to check it when i am suppose to spend quality time with raj. there is life, so much of it, after your work shift so know when it begins and when it ends.