dear baby,

i saw you for the first time through the ultrasound machine today.  you are this tiny little thing in mommy’s womb and it amazes me how your tininess already breathes life. how can you, in your current state of being, have given me so much joy already?

i will see you again on september 9th. until then, i will content myself on feeling you grow inside me. all my love.

“I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state, or sovereignty of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen; that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God.”

SAY HELLO TO THE NEWEST AMERICAN CITIZEN!

losing my maiden name is akin to losing a fragment of myself.

for the past 30 years of my existence, i had carried my father’s surname. it is a name difficult to pronounce, even to filipinos which i don’t understand because it’s so easy to read it in syllabicated form. but then again, sometimes this pronunciation issue becomes an advantage when people tend to identify me as the girl-with-a-difficult-to-pronounce-last-name. in a way, without meaning to, i am remembered.

i also like how both my first and last name begin with a ‘G’. never mind if i was teased in high school as galunggong (a type of fish that is common food among the poor and abbreviated as gg). to me, the double G per se gave me individuality, a distinct personality. later on, i changed the double g to mean as gorgeous g, a vanity plate that i wore among my closest friends.

i have been married for over 3 years now but i am only adopting my husband’s last name now. it was because of legal reasons that i chose not to use it right after our civil wedding and wait until i get naturalized. i am very lucky that my husband did not insist for me to change my surname to his nor did he resent me for choosing not to for the longest time. but now, the time has come and i am all ready to drop my maiden name.

indeed, i am losing an identity that i have had since birth, and yet ironically, i feel so complete now that i am finally adopting my husband’s surname.

i’m published!

hawaii-filipino chronicle used my article about cory aquino below in their aug. 8th issue. apart from some minor grammatical corrections (which i am thankful for because i don’t closely edit my work), they retained everything i wrote in my previous entry. i know you can just read it below but just the same, here’s the link as a proof and because i am so damn proud of myself (i’m even blushing now, teehee!)

http://thefilipinochronicle.com/hfchronicle%20Feature_A%20Eulogy%20to%20Cory_08082009.html

it’s also published in print but i live in a rural area (gah!) so the newspaper copies haven’t reached us. or maybe they have. the last time i checked was last sunday and i’m just lazy to go out and check again. after all, i’ve already read it online. i just wanted to grab a copy of the newspaper as soon as i learned that the issue’s out because i fear that they would bowdlerize my work.

it’s my first published work with a byline so i’m naturally ecstatic about the whole thing. i used to work in a small PR firm in manila so i actually already published a few but without my name on them.

i believe that the universe conspired for this to happen and it gave me the omens i needed to follow my personal legend (in reference to paolo coelho’s the alchemist).

first is a correspondence with an old friend from college. a couple of weeks ago, i emailed my friend kristian who now lives in NY about my blog entry entitled i heart NY. it was actually a spur of the moment decision to email him. even he was surprised to read my email. i just thought at that time that he would appreciate my entry about NY because i know he loves (or loved) the city as much as i do. kristian replied to me and said two things that got me into thinking: (1) to have time for my own hobbies for self-nourishment, and (2) to continue to write. he also encouraged me to share my work to a larger audience because as he so beautifully put, ‘what is the use of technique if there is no soul behind the piece?’

i’ve always wanted to write. this 4-year old blog is a testament to my hobby that is writing. but i’ve really never shared my blog with others beyond my circle of friends, primarily because i am not confident about my writing style. i fear the criticisms. i also do not want other people to expect regular entries from me. i’m a sporadic blogger; my muse comes and goes without any warning; i only want to write at my own will in my own pace without pressure from other people. this is also one of the reasons why i decided not to pursue journalism. i am not the type who will go to any length for the sake of news reporting. i’d prefer news coming to me (maybe i can be a gossip columnist). or i’d rather stick to features and personal stories, thank you very much. i write mostly for myself, about myself. ergo, the title of my blog. more often than not, this is a venue for my vanity.

but as i said, kristian’s words got me into thinking. i mean if my personal view on NY has moved him, then there must be something more than my ego speaking. so monday last week, i gathered all my guts and submitted my article about cory aquino and her death to hawaii-filipino chronicle. i wasn’t expecting anything at all so i was really surprised and happy when a few hours later, the managing editor contacted me to confirm that they would publish the article.

the second omen is the short biographical account of how jk rowling faced all adversities to publish the first harry potter, which i read. her story is truly inspirational for someone like me who dreams of getting published. she said that she used a typewriter to write the early drafts of her book and i remember those days when i too used the antiquated typewriter (ugh, i feel so old) to write film and television scripts woven from my young and simple imagination. she also said that she got refused by major publishing houses when she initially proposed the book concept, which only proves that rejection does not mean the end of our dreams. i’m no jk rowling but her story gives me the courage to reach for my own stars. ad astra per aspera.

the third omen and the most obvious one is that i get published on my first attempt.

so now, i’m working on my writing more than ever. i am editing some of my previous posts here (the serious stuff) not only in the hope of getting them published, but more so for my personal growth and the culmination of my dreams.

now, if you would excuse me and my shameless ego. ta!

‘it is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.’

once more i am reminded of this beautiful quote by dumbledore in harry potter and the chamber of secrets with the passing of maria corazon cojuangco aquino, more popularly known to the filipino nation as cory. she was the first woman president not only in the philippines, but in the whole of asia. that alone counts for something. and yet what she had given our nation and the world transcends the feminist role in an otherwise male-dominated society

cory was catapulted into presidency in 1986 via the peaceful power people revolution. i was only 8 years old at that time and apparently too young to truly understand the struggles that plagued our country. in truth, my naive self was a marcos loyalist, coming from a family of pure ilocanos. my uncle even served as a soldier for the marcoses during the tumultuous period of political unrest. we would get from him marcos stickers, banners and paraphernalia, enough to believe that the incumbent president was a good man. he was merely a victim of incessant politicking, rather than the perpetrator of unjust doings. of course, i never really knew about the martial law, the dictatorship and the corruption of his government that gradually erode the foundation of our society. needless to say, i was blinded by false loyalty.

years later, i would fully comprehend what cory meant to the filipinos and what she had done. she was the driving force of the people power movement even if she didn’t seem to be the most qualified person to do so. after all, she was first and foremost a wife to ninoy aquino (a political prisoner himself and the arch nemesis of marcos) and a mother to five children. but even then, she showed her character by being a pillar of strength to her husband when she could have asked ninoy to cease his political inclination in exchange for a quiet family life. instead she gave him her unwavering support even after his death.

when she was called to run for presidency in a snap election, she embraced the challenge of toppling the 20-year old dictator of a president, not for personal glory but because she knew this was the right thing to do. she could have easily opted for the easy road out. she could have gone back to the US with her children and sought political asylum but she chose otherwise. in the midst of the chaos and threats, she chose to be the brave leader and a beacon of hope for a people willing to fight and die for freedom. and this made all the difference. history tells us that it was this fearless choice of hers that restored our democracy.

cory was the president of the philippines from 1986-1992. when she stepped down from her seat, she once again showed us the person that she was. she was not gobbled up by power and fame unlike many politicians and celebrities. she remained the humble, unassuming, honorable lady that she was before she was elected in the highest office of the land. she chose to uphold the constitution and more importantly, to give the people their inalienable right to vote in a free election. the last state of the nation address of cory as president is a testament to the choices she made for the sake of democracy.

‘…I could have done all those things that win wide acclaim, exiting as grandly as any president could wish. But while my power as president ends in 1992, my responsibility as a Filipino for the well-being of my country goes beyond it to my grave. A great part of that responsibility is to do the best I can today, according to my best lights, while I have the power to do it…’

it’s so easy to take for granted the democracy and freedom that we are now enjoying. but i hope that cory’s death will serve as a reminder for us to value these things even more. it’s the most we can do to show our eternal gratitude to cory aquino, and because this gift of freedom enables us to make our own choices that ultimately define who we are.

rest in peace, madam president.

i re-read old love letters from raj dating back 1998. needless to say, i got nostalgic and sentimental.

i am glad to have lived in an era when handwritten love notes were not yet a taboo and was a widely accepted method of declaring one’s love (or admiration) to another person. i received an ample amount of them in high school (ahem, ahem) and wrote some myself but i saved none of them. there was nothing worth keeping anyway. in contrast, i’ve kept almost all that raj gave me in the big box that held his gift for me on my 20th birthday. i managed to bring the box, along with all the letters inside it here in the US after returning from my trip to manila in 2007.

raj’s love letters are a testament to how love blossomed between two college friends, strengthened by the test of time and traveled across many distance. there were letters and post cards from and to singapore, malaysia, japan, manila and the US from 1998 up until today. 10 years (and counting) of solid relationship documented through love letters. a handful of them were when we still in the platonic stage and the letters contained entertaining but seemingly meanderings of a bored mind and yet, there was something sweet and special hidden in between the inconsequent lines, that maybe only i can decipher in a way that only i can truly read raj’s mind.

i am excited on the prospect that years and years from now, our children might get to read these love letters. i hope that when that time comes, they will not only be moved by what we two share, but more importantly, i hope they find inspiration from us to love in every way possible.

last friday, my sister, raj and i decided to go karaoke. we decided to use my mom’s rav 4 since it was already parked outside the house. in exchange, we gave her the key of the vitara so she can use it to go to the party she was to attend later at night. i placed the keys by the mail box in our hallway where we usually hang our keys. i remember even pointing it to her so she would know where it was.

a couple of hours later, just when we were about to sing our hearts out, my mom called me and said that the keys were missing. she said it wasn’t by the mail box anymore. i asked her to look for it around the area, and even inside our room as i may have accidentally brought it back. she denied even touching it but just the same, i told her to look carefully in her room and in her things. she looked everywhere she could think of but still, no keys.

when we got home, my sister, raj and tried to find it in every nook and corner possible but to no avail. we were thinking someone might have sneaked into the house (while my mom was busy watching TFC in her room) which was entirely plausible, given that it wasn’t a rare occurrence in our area. we got a little worried because along with the vitara key are the house key and my dad’s car’s key which was parked outside the gate. after an hour or so, we finally gave up looking for the missing keys. both my dad and my mom said in passing, that it could be the dwende or the dwarves’ work.

the belief that misplaced things are the doings of house dwarves originates from the philippines. i actually don’t know if this is rooted in our culture or a concept that’s only shared by my family. after all, a manghuhula (psychic) once told my mom that our home in valenzuela housed 3 dwende(s) and they dwell in that single step separating the 3 bedrooms and toilet from the entire space in our house. the psychic didn’t know about this single step but she described it so knowingly that we had to believe in her. they were the good kind, she said of the dwende(s). they were taking care of your kids, she told my mom.

i don’t know how it all started but everytime there was a missing item in the house, we would always attribute it to the dwende(s). i remember instances when i would simply say, ‘ibalik nyo na ha!’ (please return it) to no one in particular and yet, believing that the dwende(s) would hear me. soon after, the object would present itself on its own. it is as luna lovegood said in the movie OotP, ‘things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end.’ but i know, even if it’s absolutely crazy, that the dwende(s) returned whatever they got from me in response to my plea. or sometimes, the missing objects would manifest very clearly in my dream and the next morning, i’d know where to find it.

so before i went to bed last friday, i made a silent request for the keys to show up in my dream and if it didn’t, then i can confirm they were stolen. as usual, i woke up before dawn to go to the bathroom but still, no keys in my dream. after using the bathroom, i thought of checking my dad’s car if it was still parked outside and lo and behold, i saw the keys hanging by the mail box where it supposedly was. i asked my grandma, who was still up and who knew we were looking for them, where the keys came from. i half-expected her to be surprised and say she knew nothing where it came from. but she said she found it under the dining table where we had searched previously.

on saturday morning, we were all happy to get back the missing keys and we talked about it for most of the day. we think our mom must have touched it and had completely forgotten where she placed them, which she vehemently denies. she maintains that it was the dwende’s doing. she even told us she did something for the dwende so it would return the keys.  i asked her jokingly if she did a sun dance. ‘no’, she said and then added,  nag-alay ako (i made an offering) in a serious tone. my sister asked what was the sacrifice she made. and i replied in jest, ‘oh she probably offered her third daughter (you) in exchange of the keys’ and we started laughing. oh well, dwende or otherwise i’m just glad that the keys turned up. and from now on, we are not to hang the keys by the mail box where anyone, including the dwende can take it.

after all the anticipation and excitement, it is done. i have seen harry potter and the half-blood prince.

and what can i say about the movie?

truth be told, i have mixed feelings about it. on the one hand, i have heard many good reviews about the film that i expected so highly of it. tehnically speaking, it is better than all the previous films in the series. i especially love the scene when dumbledore re-arranged slughorn’s house in one swish of his wand. the characterization are spot-on and the acting is superb. on the other hand, i feel as if things are a bit rushed plot-wise, even though the movie is 2 hours and a half long

the movie does not have much action compared to OotP. it’s a quiet film with the focus being on the memories that define lord voldemort’s rise to power and on the raging hormones of the growing teenage characters in the film, which is perfectly normal to people their age at any school, in wizarding world or otherwise. this is exactly how i felt too while reading the book the first time. and yet, chapters 26-30 caught me by surprise as the narrative became darker and heart pounding with all the commotions that abound. soon enough, a battle in hogwarts began, culminating to the death of dumbledore. from his fall until the very last page of the book, i remember crying my eyes out as if it is the end of the series. in comparison, i think this climax is not successfully achieved in the film. i’m not sure if it’s because i know after all the betrayal that snape would do but it is disappointing to say the least, that there was no chaos to an impending war. in the book, the order of the phoenix, as well as dumbledore’s army or what’s left of them, fights back the death eaters until the end. if my instincts are right, they are saving the battle of hogwarts scene for the last film in the series because it happens under more terrifying and more tragic circumstances. i can only hope they do it exceptionally well to compensate what we have missed in this current film, and because the destruction of the burrow is not good enough to replace the lost action scenes in the book. i think it is unnecessary addition to the film. there was no motivation, no direct outcome, no aftermath to it

i’m happy (squeeing with delight actually like a high school girl) that many of ron-hermione scenes in the book (and more) made it to the movie. i empathized with hermione when she cried after seeing ron and lavender’s first kiss. it’s one of those few occassions that i believed emma watson’s acting. i would have liked to prolong ron and hermione’s fight a wee bit longer just to show how much love there really is between the two underneath the jealousy and pain. i would have liked to see, in particular that part in the book when ron brutally copies the know-it-all-hermione while in transfiguration class. it could have been another emma-watson-moment in the film. i wanted ron to follow hermione around trying to re-gain her friendship while still with lavender. i wanted very much to hear ron saying ‘i love you’ to hermione whether it was consciously or not. but more so, i expected to see ron comforting hermione in the end, when dumbledore dies. this is for me a powerful moment in the book which was left out. but these are all purely selfish and personal reasons. in the grand scheme of things, they are all irrelevant to the the plot. after all, the film is about harry potter and the half-blood prince and not harry potter and the unresolved sexual tension between ron and hermione

as for the harry-ginny romance, some of the moments are more contrived than awkward. this pair worked for me in the book because i see how harry falls in love with ginny, however subtle the signs are. in the film however, it is as if both are trying to acknowledge their feelings right off the bat. i would have liked to watch their first kiss exactly as it happens in the book – after a big quidditch match, harry and ginny’s eyes meeting, ginny running toward harry, him kissing her like no one else is watching, and after they broke apart, harry sought for ron in the crowd, needing to see her brother’s approval. i would have also wanted to see the break-up of harry and ginny during dumbledore’s funeral. it’s one of those heart-breaking scenes in the book when harry makes the ultimate sacrifice and lets ginny go. i have always imagined it to be akin to peter parker and mary jane’s break up scene in spiderman. i have expected a great deal of drama from harry and ginny with this one but sadly, there was none of it in the film

having said all this though, i enjoyed the film on its own merits. i’ve already accepted the fact that story-wise, the movies will never be at par with the books. i’ve always said, and i will say it again, that the harry potter films do not give enough justice to the magnitude and depth of the parallel universe that j.k. rowling. unfortunately for readers like me, there are many intricate back stories, poignant moments and memorable lines in the book that need to be cut down for reasons i couldn’t fathom. (i would gladly sit for a 5-hour long movie just to get a detailed representation of the books and i’m sure many obsessed fans like i am would do the same but i suppose, the business side of moviemaking dictates it’s all impractical to do so). so as much as i would like to be a book stickler, i have learned to yield to the commercialization of harry potter in cinema.

(a separate review of the book can be read here:  http://gladyz.wordpress.com/2006/07/16/a-happy-birthday-review)

is this the moment?

yes, it is!!! <insert mary murphy ‘whooohooo’ scream>

today’s the midnight screening of harry potter and the half-blood prince. technically, it’s wednesday midnight but whatever. my mind’s got no room for technicality. i’ve been waiting for this day long enough. in hours time, i can finally see on-screen HBP.

i purchased our tickets on june 23rd via online (thanks fandango!) and since this morning, i’ve been holding it like an obsessed lunatic, which i am. my sister and i, and even raj, have also been talking about what we will wear tonight for the screening. i think i’m settling for my maroon dress with gold belt, gryffindor colors. i’m sure it’d be a blast watching the movie with harry potter fanatics like we are.

i can’t wait for ron and hermione screen time. oh, the love galore!

my incoherent thoughts are testament to my over eagerness so for now, i disapparate.

i bought my childhood back for 10 bucks. how? thru wii. wow, the wonders of modern technology!

my younger sister bought me and my hubby a wii as a belated wedding present (took her that long but i’m not complaining as it paid off). she told me that i can download old school super mario brothers for a very cheap price. i got excited at the prospect of playing it once again and reliving the glory of finishing the game so i wasted no time and made the purchase. and as expected, i got nostalgic.

mario and i (ok, luigi too. though i rarely played him) go back a long way and by that, i meant the age of family computers. ugh, i’m that old. my mom gave us a famicom as a christmas present when i was in sixth grade.and i remember spending christmas break that year playing and mastering  as many games as possible and as much as i could. actually, i can’t remember anyone in the family playing as much as i did. possibly because i hogged it. but there were a few times when i caught my mom or my dad playing past midnight.

i was an innately skilled player back in the day. i finished a number of games when no one else in the family had. but finishing the super mario after countless attempts (thanks to hundred lives) would always be the peak of my famicom career. soon after, i grew up and stopped playing altogether. in a way, saving the princess signified the end of my childhood and became the threshold of my youth. indeed, i finished the game when i was a high school freshman, at a time when my interest already shifted to boys living and tangible and mario, the small, plump, mustached mario, obviously was an alternate reality and no more than a childhood friend whom i needed to help save her princess.

yesterday, i played super mario with the same level of enthusiasm that i had when i was a kid. and it’s comforting to know that i haven’t lost my skills yet. i managed to get the hundred lives and navigated myself thru world 8. i haven’t finished the game yet. i figured there is no hurry this time. when my mom saw me playing, she said that i still sat the same way as i did before while playing. and she too remembered the other games she used to play – circus, galaga, 1982, rainbow island and the car race. all those memories. wouldn’t it be nice to have a hundred lives and some ‘one-up’ in between, so we can have the luxury of dying if we’d rather start a new life over or we can get as many chances as we want when we err? it’s ok though that we don’t get these life bonuses in the real world. at least for now, technology has enabled us to relive snippets of our childhood for a few bucks. in truth though, what it’s done to me is something that cannot be quantified. priceless, it truly is.